


Ice in the Hearth

by PierceTheVeils



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Ascendancy Trilogy - Timothy Zahn, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Angst, Chiss Ascendancy (Star Wars), Chiss Culture (Star Wars), Dysfunctional Family, Eli is homesick and projecting, Family, Family Drama, Family Reunions, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Book: Star Wars: Thrawn Series: Treason, Post-Star Wars: Rebels, Shore Leave, minor references to Outbound Flight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29648070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PierceTheVeils/pseuds/PierceTheVeils
Summary: After years of no contact between them, Eli reunites Thrawn with his mother.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 16





	1. Retrieval

It was a surprise one year in the making. At first, Eli’van’to had sought understanding of Ascendancy family customs by researching a specific case. Later, newly-Admiral Faro had called the  _ Steadfast  _ to deliver mournful news to its commander. Admiral Ar’alani had passed the announcement along to Eli out of courtesy. Then came a long search of the Unknown Regions, a miraculous rescue of old friends, and the first shore leave Eli had been granted since joining the Ascendancy. 

Eli got some strange looks when he took his vacation to Rentor. Why not take the opportunity to reunite with his human friends on the border asteroid where they were being kept? Eli did intend to visit there, but he had to run an errand first.

Rentor was not an easy planet to navigate. It had two tundra-dominated continents and a mostly-frozen ocean, one that occupied almost ninety percent of the planet. Eli landed in the spaceport of the planet capital and had to ride a rickety bus out to the shore, where the poorest Chiss caught fish for sustenance and income.

In a decaying structure erected (then neglected) by the planetary government, there lived castaways deemed too fragile to be morally allowed on the subarctic streets. The elderly without strength to reel in a net. The destitute without money to live elsewhere. The orphaned with no spouse, siblings, or children around to care for them.

In that run down shack, Eli collected a woman who fit every descriptor listed above. He asked the man at the entrance in accented Chenuh, “I am looking for a woman named Kivu’est’arksu. Does she still live here?”

The old man at the door grimaced. “She lives, but you lie. No one looks for Vuesta.” 

Eli cast his eyes downward at that comment. “I am Eli’van’to of the Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet. I would like to see Kivu’est’arksu.”

The man squinted at Eli through clouded eyes. “Never seen a brown Chiss before. You a mongrel of something?”

Eli ignored the question. “Where can I find the woman I’m looking for?”

“Out back pretending she can still catch food.” He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder, then leaned in. “She won’t eat donated stuff, so some of us drop fresher fish in her basket when she isn't looking. Beats her starving.”

Wow. Who did that remind him of? Eli thanked the man at the door for his time and walked around the building to the pool of brine. The hour was late and winter was near, so only one person could be seen hunched over the pool’s surface.

Eli walked up to the elderly woman as noisily as possible. He didn’t want to startle her with his presence. It wasn’t until Eli stood less than two meters away that the woman turned to acknowledge him.

She squinted through the fading sunset. “What Chaos creature are you?”

“Good evening. Are you Kivu’est’arksu?”

“Are you deaf? I asked what creature you are.”

This time, Eli did answer the question. “I am Lieutenant Eli’van’to of the Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet. My species is human.”

She turned back to her fishing rod. “Humans in the fleet. A great fighting force we have.” She took a long gaze up the sky, deciding it was dark enough to turn in for the day. “What do you want with me?”

Eli reminded himself not to be offended. He was a stranger on Rentor. No one had been expecting him to visit. There was no reason for any of the Chiss here to know what humans were. “If you are Kivu’est’arksu, I have information about your son.”

“...” Vuesta stood unnaturally still, eyes fixed dead ahead of her. Then her eyes twitched, collecting water at the edges. The corners of her lips folded in and out of a frown. “Don’t you mean the Mitth’s problem child? I don’t have any children.”

“He's back in the Ascendancy for the first time in almost a decade. Kivu’est’arksu, if you come with me, I can bring you to him.” Eli closed the distance between them, holding his arm out to her. “Will you join me?”

Vuesta seemed like she was about to take his forearm, but she raised her hand above it to her tangled silver hair. Her calloused fingers got caught in the strands like fish in a net, struggling through to the split ends at her collarbone. Her split lips pursed in thought, eyes scanning the horizon as she pondered. The resemblance was uncanny. “...Call me Vuesta, young human. Your tongue is stiff in the language. You trip more times than you walk.”

“Thank you, Vuesta.” Despite the criticism, Eli was honored she wanted him to use her core name. Core names implied a close relationship between the parties. “You can call me Ivant or Eli. Most Chiss prefer Ivant.”

Vuesta made no indication she would use either. “Where is he? Why are you his messenger?”

“Your son, you mean?” Eli waited for her to acknowledge Thrawn as her son. She did not. “Thrawn is in Nitan’s Pass. The asteroid field that lets the Ascendancy out into the Chaos. For the last several years, he’s been a soldier in Lesser Space. He commanded a whole fleet of human ships.”

“Commanded, hm?” Vuesta’s brash accent put emphasis on the past tense of the word. Chenuh on Rentor sure had a harsh sounding dialect. Eli’s ears were used to the more mechanical tones of Csillan Chenuh, which had been used to teach him. “What brings him back? I thought he was exiled.”

“He needed help for his crew. They got stranded in the Chaos.” Eli shared what he could without breaking protocol. If Thrawn wanted to tell his mother more, that would be his choice. “Nitan’s pass isn’t only a military base. You are allowed to visit him there.”

A salty ocean wind blew through Eli’s bones, sending him shivering. His civvies weren’t suited for Rentor’s weather. Vuesta’s threadbare coat exposed her more than Eli, but she stayed unmoved. “You will take me to Mitth’raw’nuruodo?”

Eli nodded, hands retreating into his armpits. “We can take the bus back into the spaceport. We may have to go tomorrow morning.” Eli eyed the rundown building in which Vuesta lived. “I have money for a warmer place. If you want to stay the night with me, Vuesta, you-”

“My lodging has been plenty warm for twelve years. It will stand another night,” Vuesta snapped, shutting Eli down. “I will meet you at the stop for the first bus to the city. Do not make me wait.”

Twelve years? Thrawn hadn’t been in exile for that long. But then, that meant… Eli’s thoughts trailed off in the gust of another wind blast. Eager to get out of the wind, he agreed to Vuesta’s proposal. “I will be here.”

Eli stumbled back up the street to where the bus had let him off. Right by the bus stop was a modest, sturdy inn. It didn’t look like it served many customers, but the hearth inside burned brightly and the innkeeper accepted Eli’s coin with few questions. 

His room was simple, but serviceable. It had reliable electricity and a heated shower. Eli stripped, washed off the grime of his travels, and settled into bed for the night on a cot comparable to military beds in comfort. The cream sheets were thin, but the woven blanket was nice and heavy. Eli had no windows in his room, keeping him warm from the bitter cold outside.

That had gone well, all things considered. Eli had worried he’d have a harder time finding Vuesta. She wasn’t rich enough to pay income taxes, and other official records relating to her existence ended with a stint in collections court shortly after her husband’s death three decades ago. Eli had just assumed she hadn’t moved towns, and if a death record existed for her husband, there would have been one for Vuesta had she died as well. Judging by her advanced age, lack of taxes paid, and absence of property in her family’s name, Eli deduced the best place to look for her was in the “miscellany house”. 

Eli’s heart twinged. It must have been so hard for Thrawn. He would have been in the academy when his father died. First he left his family behind to join the Mitth. He’d already lost his family in one sense when he lost his father in another. Eli swallowed at the thought of losing his own father at that point of his life. It… would have been bad.

Eli could only hope his folks were still alive. It hadn’t been an option to contact them from the Ascendancy, and he’d missed his chance while the  _ Steadfast _ was in Imperial territory. He lulled himself to sleep that night as he had so many times before: he imagined a joyful reunion with his family on Lysatra. Eli had too many obligations for that to happen to him right now, but he could make it happen for Thrawn. 

Thrawn had gone too long without any family to support him. He deserved to feel the love of his mother again. 

Eli smiled, imagining his own mother as he drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to split this into parts, but I think it works better this way. The second chapter is when Thrawn actually sees his mom again, and that one will be a lot longer. I'm pumped up to write it even though I'm almost confident Zahn will contradict me in Greater Good or the installment after that.
> 
> Hope you like my setup so far. I have a lot of fics going at the moment, but expect me to update relatively soon. Until then, feel free to leave comments below!


	2. Reunion

The bus back to Rentor’s spaceport was an empty one. Eli offered Vuesta his spare coat upon seeing her, but she refused. She did take the piece of fruit he’d set aside from his breakfast, but she did not eat it immediately. Instead, Vuesta unearthed a dull scaling knife from within her rags and spent the whole ride skinning fruit flawlessly. Whenever Eli tried to converse with her, Vuesta held up her knife in what could be either an acknowledgement or a threat. 

Descaling fish must have been an intense chore in the Kivu household. Eli could see that being true of most chores, honestly. Thrawn’s approach to domestic tasks had been silent, urgent, and efficient. He’d followed a strict schedule with bunk cleaning and detested diversionary side tasks. A trait he may have gotten from the woman here. 

When they exited the bus and entered the city, Vuesta’s demeanor switched from sullen to defensive. She swallowed the fruit in a few bites, skin and all. Instead of retreating back into her clothes, the knife stayed in Vuesta’s left hand at all times. Eli eyed the development with concern. “Do you visit the city often?”

She shook her head. “I have no use here.”

Eli frowned. He felt like something had been lost in translation just then. It was his first days with Thrawn all over again; they were both speaking the same language, but they approached it from different perspectives. Words changed meaning from lips to ears. “Have you ever been on a spaceship?”

“One time,” Vuesta answered without specifying where or when. “It costs too much to be so useless.”

Eli should have guessed as much. Paying for both tickets from the near-center of the Ascendancy to the edge certainly was expensive. On the ship itself, Vuesta competed with Eli for the attention of the other passengers, of which there were a handful. Yes, seeing a non-Chiss was odd, but at least Eli dressed like the others. Vuesta’s worn through, home-mended fisherwoman’s outfit was a visceral reminder of all the reasons “classier” planets sneered at Rentor. More importantly, Vuesta reeked of fish and saltwater. The Chiss in rows near theirs clustered in other parts of the ship to escape it. The smell had been omnipresent in the town where Eli found her, but now it stood out of place. He discreetly sniffed himself to make sure he didn’t carry the same scent. 

Since Eli had no evidence age had worsened Vuesta’s hearing, he assumed she could also hear the gossip circulating the ship about them. Her eyes stayed fixed ahead, face molded into a determined mask. Change the position of her arms, and her look would be one Eli had seen a thousand times.

Eli couldn’t help but smile. The chain of events that had resulted from the  _ Chimaera’s _ stranding in the Unknown Regions included a fair share of tragedy. Eli had been happy to see his surviving friends in person before their transfer to Nitan’s Pass, but pressing business kept him from enjoying their company. While Admiral Ar’alani petitioned to return them to the Empire, the crew that had fought tooth and nail to stay alive got a few days of rest. 

Knowing Thrawn, he was likely to spend it commiserating on his failures. Thrawn claimed it was a necessary step to future improvement, but Eli saw it as wallowing. This time, Thrawn would have a chance to appreciate the opportunities presented by his brief return to the Ascendancy.

“How long has it been since you saw your son?” he asked Vuesta while they sailed through hyperspace.

She shook her head. “I haven’t had children for many years. My hearth has been cold since my husband died.”

This again. Eli guessed the biological parents of merit adoptives weren’t supposed to acknowledge their relation. Joining a ruling family wasn’t like joining a political party, as Eli had thought at first. “Thrawn never visited you?”

“He stayed busy looking for trouble in the Chaos. Then he found too much trouble and got exiled,” she summarized dispassionately. “Mitth’raw’nuruodo thinks finding trouble is the same thing as finding glory. He never did simple work. Since he was small, he rocked every boat he rode in.”

All those words were true in a way. Eli knew Thrawn to be a workaholic. Back when they’d both served the Empire, denial of shore leave was a common way for the higher ups to show them displeasure. Eli had complained every time, but Thrawn barely reacted. The few times shore leave was mandatory for them, Thrawn struggled to use it to relax, electing to attend highbrow art events instead. Eli, on the other hand, visited his family at every opportunity.

His experience in the Ascendancy was limited, but the Chiss treated the Grysk threat as a contagion in many circumstances. The soldiers fighting it seemed to get a break less frequently than soldiers in the Empire might. Maybe tighter limits on shore leave had been common in the Ascendancy even before their conflict with the Grysk began. That could explain the time apart.

Eli tried to put a positive spin on the subject. “You two will have a lot to talk about, then.”

Vuesta nodded, eyes following the hyperspace lines with mild terror. Pulling her away from the sight proved difficult, so Eli left her to it. He’d bought the cheapest seats available on the ship, so there was no entertainment offered on the flight. Shifting in the rough burlap seats only reminded him of how uncomfortable they were. Eli spent the rest of the journey imagining how the reunion of Thrawn and Vuesta would go. Fingers crossed it was a success.

* * *

Finding the Imperial crew in Nitan’s Pass was not difficult. The insulated asteroid town and its accompanying base were sparsely populated, and human features stood out in a crowd. As Eli had guessed, Thrawn was holed up in an office by himself when they arrived. His guard at the door recognized Eli and stepped aside without question.

Eli stepped in and waited to be recognized. The office didn’t belong to Thrawn, so it had none of the signature artwork littering its surfaces. The bare walls, empty table, and pair of plastoid chairs gave the impression of an interrogation room. Eli could imagine a senior Ascendancy officer slipping in and grilling Thrawn about his past decisions. Nothing about the room was conducive to a warm family reunion. 

Thrawn nodded to Eli when he looked up. He spoke to Eli in Sy Bisti, “Lieutenant Vanto. You chose shore leave here after all.”

“I did,” Eli responded in Cheunh, blanking on how to announce Vuesta. She was waiting in the corridor behind him.

Thrawn paused, then indulged Eli. He switched to Cheunh. “You were not present in Nitan’s Pass before.”

“No. I spent the yesterday on Rentor.”

His eyes widened, then receded. Eli couldn’t be sure if Thrawn had actually reacted to his words. “What business did you have on Rentor, Lieutenant Vanto?”

“I…” Eli faltered under Thrawn’s stare. “I found someone for you.”

Vuesta decided that was a good enough way of introducing her. She stepped into view beside Eli, shoving a tendril of hair behind her ear. “Mitth’raw’nurodo.”

Now Eli was sure of Thrawn’s reaction. His back straightened, hands perfectly still. His eyes watched Vuesta as he would a feral predator. Both his facial expression and tone remained sharply neutral as he acknowledged her. “Mother.”

No one spoke. Vuesta sat down in the chair across from Thrawn, causing a minor twitch as she moved closer. If Eli didn’t know Thrawn better, he would have characterized the movement as flinching.

Despite their similarity in gestures and facial features, the two presented a study in contrasts. Even in the worst of crises, Thrawn’s grooming and uniform stayed spotless. Vuesta, on the other hand, couldn’t care less how she appeared to others. Thrawn’s hair was combed and straight, black against Vuesta’s wild silver mane. In attire, the light and dark switched; Thrawn wore white against Vuesta’s dark brown. 

Eli attempted to break the tension. “I found her in your hometown outside the city. I know you won’t be in the Ascendancy long, so I wanted to give you a chance to see your family again.”

“I see her,” Thrawn agreed, not taking his eyes off Vuesta. He took stock of her attire, rips and all. “It will be winter on Rentor soon.”

Vuesta nodded once. “The ice is everywhere this year. The beaches, the buildings… my bones.”

“You always kept ice in your heart,” Thrawn accused, no emotion in his voice. “That has nothing to do with the seasons.”

“In winter’s catch, the only way to keep the rot out of what you save is to freeze it. Every winter, you failed to remember that.” Vuesta’s voice edged steadily sharper as she went on. “You left the basement open in favor of finding trinkets. Winters were a time we went hungry, and it’s because of your carelessness.”

“It was really cold when I stopped on Rentor. The ocean breeze is chilling,” Eli agreed, trying to lighten the mood. Things were devolving quickly, and Eli wanted to salvage the meeting. “I didn’t think to get a thick coat to go with my civvies.”

“Your preparation was poor.” Thrawn didn’t look at Eli when he replied. His eyes stayed locked on Vuesta. “It... takes a steadfast soul to live long on Rentor.”

While that could have been a compliment, Vuesta refused to take it. “No surprise you didn’t stay, then. Be it your family, your army, or your country, you are steadfast to nothing.”

Thrawn’s face burned. Eli didn’t need infrared vision to see it this time. This was a bad idea. Eli knew it now, but it was too late to reverse course. He couldn’t put Vuesta back on Rentor now. “Should I leave?”

“Absolutely not. You should know the results of your actions.” Face the consequences, in other words. 

For Vuesta, Thrawn had a few other words. “I have overcome numerous obstacles to maintain loyalty without reciprocity. Everything I do is for the sake of the Ascendancy and those within it for whom I have regard.”

“You use talk to hide your actions. You always have.” It wasn’t clear how much of Thrawn’s response Vuesta understood. She seemed clear on the fundamentals, at least. “You always wanted to leave your family behind. You went to school as a child and thought it made you better than the others.”

Eli furrowed his brow, convinced he’d missed something important. The stilted way Vuesta spoke of school struck him as odd. “Did you not attend school, Vuesta?”

Thrawn shook his head. “On Rentor, education was not mandatory for the children of fishing towns until nine years before I was born. Before the mandate, most outside the city never received formal instruction. I cannot be certain of its truth now, but when I last spoke to her…” he switched to Sy Bisti for the final words, “my mother was wholly illiterate.”

Eli turned to Vuesta in shock. She briefly broke her gaze with Thrawn to acknowledge him, anger and pride mixing together into a force to be reckoned with. She didn’t present herself as someone lacking in education. Before, Eli thought the way Vuesta spoke was a reflection of his Cheunh abilities, not hers.

She may have guessed what Thrawn said, because her response to Eli was, “it’s rude to speak around someone, young human. As a child, I learned the way to live long on Rentor. The Kivu have no use of books or distant planets. Schools take away the useful and give out the useless.”

“You know how to catch fish and sow bitterness. Nothing else. I will not defend my education to the likes of you.” Thrawn pressed his palms into the table, as if to keep himself calm. “You were proud of your first son for excelling at school. I do not know what set the pair of us apart.”

First son? Oh, wait. Eli had seen this in the records. Mitth’ras’safis was Thrawn’s older brother by both blood and adoption. He’d been a promising politician before he disappeared after a classified mission referred to only as “the Outbound Flight Incident.” That’d been twenty-six years ago; the Mitth had held an elaborate, well-publicized memorial for him once he was presumed dead. Prior to that, he’d been Thrawn’s senior by five and a half years. 

Thrawn had mentioned having a brother to Eli only once before. All he’d said about him was that he was “superior to me in every way that’d mattered.” Back then, Eli hadn’t thought it was possible. Who could be better than Thrawn?

Now, Eli was starting to understand Thrawn’s perspective. Vuesta’s nostrils flared at the mention of Mitth’ras’safis. “You have no right to discuss your brother. Not when you’re the reason he’s dead.”

“What?!” The records didn’t mention that. Eli glanced from Thrawn to Vuesta, searching for who would give him answers.

Thrawn indulged first. “I… never held the intent of causing Thrass’s demise, but it can be said my actions prevented him from returning to the Ascendancy. Before the Battle of Lothal, that incident represented my greatest failure as a soldier.” He exhaled, then refocused his energy on Vuesta. “Mother. You were proud of Thrass when he joined the Mitth. When I aspired to the same, you threw me on a fishing vessel the day before examinations and tossed my books in the ocean. What differed between us?”

To answer, Vuesta lowered her hostility by one level. “I was only happy for him at first. Your brother was the first I saw go to school. I didn’t know better. Had our life been good, I would have been happy he left the family and joined rulers. Once he was gone, your father and I struggled. We had so much work to do, and you hid from your chores in school hours after classes ended. You said you were learning about art.” She snorted. “We were getting old. We needed our child to work, not read.”

“You should have planned ahead.” Thrawn crossed his arms, retreating into his frame. He eyed the empty walls as if searching for guidance.

“What do you think you children were for? I brought three children to life on Rentor. Your father and I knew winters could be cold. We could afford to lose one child. We did not plan for rulers to steal our kids. We could not afford to give all three away.”

Wait, what? Eli was lost again. “Who’s the third kid?” He turned to Thrawn. “You had another brother?”

“Sister,” Thrawn corrected, his throat tight. “She was… ozyly-esehembo.”

There was a word Eli knew well. This woman was (well, had been) a sky-walker, one of the Force-sensitive Chiss employed on military ships to navigate the Chaos. Eli worked closely with them in the Ascendancy.

“I did not know this when she first departed; back then, I’d believed she had died.” He glared at Vuesta. “That is what you told me, is it not?”

Vuesta waved his anger aside. “It was better you didn’t know how pathetic our military was. What sort of country needs small children to win their battles?”

Eli coughed, realizing something. This was why he’d had so much access to the Kivu family in his database! He’d thought it was weird he could find so much on Thrawn’s family in his work files. But if his sister had been a skywalker... “how old were you when she left?”

Thrawn blinked. “Three years old. My sister had been five at the time of her departure.”

Eli felt those words like a punch in the gut. He thought back to his own sister, still working in the family business at home. He couldn’t imagine losing her, much less to the demands of an unfamiliar military. Much less at so young of an age. “Did you ever find her again?”

Thrawn nodded, breath shallowing. “Once. I did not seek her out intentionally, but we learned of our connection.” His eyes shone like glass. “She… she’d heard of how Thrass passed. She wanted no relation to me.”

Right as Eli went to comfort Thrawn, Vuesta scoffed. “Can you blame her? You never wanted your family either. You dare cry when they don’t want you back?”

His voice was soft. “I never claimed not to want my family.”

Vuesta, on the other hand, was yelling. “All your childhood, you wanted to leave! You wanted a better family, a rich, ruler family to give you all the ships and art you liked. Once you got it, you never thought of Rentor again. Your father’s accident came a year after you left us, and you didn’t bother saying goodbye.”

“As I’ve told you before, I tried to come. Merit adoptives are forbidden from visiting their birth families for two years after selection. I petitioned for an exception and received none.” Thrawn leaned back in his chair. “When I came to you after the two year period ended, you evicted me from the homestead.”

“You deserved to be  _ e-vic-ted _ .”

“You didn’t evict Thrass.”

“He behaved at first. All you did was talk k'pah about your first home. I only shooed Mitth’ras’safis out when he changed the town’s fishing rules. He was a rich man then. He could afford to make fishers poor.”

“What did he do?” Eli was missing so much context.

“My father’s accident was linked to overworking and constant night trips during volatile sea conditions. Thrass introduced safety regulations to Rentor’s fishing industry that would prevent deaths like his from occurring again. A consequence was that individual fishermen caught, and therefore earned, less per year. Thrass offered to pay the difference to our mother with his own money, but she refused.”

“Handouts are for lazy Chiss who don’t work. I earn my keep,” Vuesta said stubbornly. “Your clothing is your own, young human.”

That explained their earlier interactions. “So was your relationship with Mitth’ras’safis also bad, or is Thrawn special?”

“My first son made mistakes. This one was made to spite me.” Vuesta shook her fist at Thrawn, seemingly forgetting she’d put her knife away. “Later, this one killed his brother and never regretted it. Never even came to his funeral.”

“Neither did you,” Thrawn acknowledged weakly. He wasn’t fighting back at all. “You borrowed large sums of money for a flight to the Mitth homestead only for them not to admit you into the service.”

“Why wasn’t she admitted?” Eli buried his head in his hands. He wasn’t sure if he wanted the answer or he was just asking to keep his place in the conversation. Either way, this was more than he’d ever expected to learn about Thrawn’s personal life.

Thrawn’s hand covered a side of his face, potentially hiding evidence of tears. He removed it when he noticed Eli watching him. “Before his demise, Thrass was a well-regarded politician, ascendant in the Mitth family. He had a chance to be a powerful force in the Syndicure. The planners of his memorial wanted him to be remembered a specific way. The remnants of his early life on Rentor did not suit their vision for the event. Hence why I also was not present. I was banned from entry, and when I complied with the order, I… I was characterized as I am now. As uncaring.”

“Thrawn…” Eli crossed the room to stand at Thrawn’s side. He laid a hand on Thrawn’s shoulder, which Thrawn shook off. “I’m sorry. You’ve both lost so much.” He addressed his appeal to both mother and son. “It sounds like you two are all the family you have left. Do you have to waste it fighting about things that happened decades ago?”

“I am not fighting with my mother. Her hostilities are her own.” 

“I have told you, young human. I have no children left. All left me as soon as they could.” Vuesta pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes to slits. “I said it before. My hearth is cold.”

“Then why did you come with me?” Eli knew he’d screwed up, but he didn’t know why. “Why did you agree to visit Thrawn?”

“I wanted to know if his choices were worth it. I wanted to see if letting down every person who ever cared for him to get ships and trinkets had made him happy. I think it did not.” Vuesta held her head high. “Look at you. You’ve had all sorts of spaceships, and you crashed them. You used to fiddle with alien art, and now you collect living pieces.” She gestured crudely to Eli. “Your only company are these human things, and you failed them too somehow. You’re here because you gave up everything you had for goals you could not meet. 

She turned her head to the side, freezing her heart with a sigh. “Some mothers let their traitor sons come home. I have no home for you, Mitth’raw’nuruodo. No one does.”

Thrawn’s voice was dangerously close to shaking. “You came to gloat, then? I have faced setbacks. So much is true. However, my worst day as a soldier far outpaces my best day as a Rentor laborer. Life has meaning beyond the size of a fishing net. The galaxy makes even the largest ocean into a drop of water. That you are too stubborn to experience it is your own design. You lived a minor, meaningless life and seek to place blame on me for your wasted existence.”

“I wasted my time on you,” Vuesta spat. “I set out to raise a strong, steadfast man. Not a constant failure who talks around his wrongness.”

“That is your final defense for how you treated me, Mother?” Thrawn let a broken smile creep onto his face. “This is your final statement of your life for how you raised your children?”

“I have nothing to defend. I didn’t bring children into the Ascendancy for them to be selfish. I didn’t do it for the rulers either. I didn’t build a hearth sixty years ago to sit in it alone. Children owe their lives to their parents. Mine gave me nothing in return.”

“...But you can’t think of children like that,” Eli got in between them once again. “Families aren’t investments. Children aren’t loans you pay out to get interest.”

“Yes they are,” Vuesta argued. “That’s how Ascendancy rulers treat the country’s children. But they don’t pay. They don’t bring the children into the world. They catch the children of others. They use their power to steal children who do good in school. The rich don’t want to protect the country. They want more riches.”

There it was. The one aspect of Ascendancy families that Eli had always struggled with. If everyone with an ounce of talent got adopted into the ruling families, how did common folk en masse get ahead? How did they build up generational wealth or social mobility? It was counterintuitive to say so, but the merit adoptive system rendered the Ascendancy social structure rigid. People could advance on an individual level, but they couldn’t bring their families up with them.

Eli struggled with how to put his thoughts into words. Emotion made his grasp of Cheunh difficult; it was such an analytical language for him. “Maybe that’s how the ruling families treat their adoptees. But you’re connected by more than adoption. Where I come from, families love each other no matter what comes between them. Fights have an end. When my time with the Ascendancy is over, I’m going to unite again with my parents. I know they’ll be happy to see me and welcome me back.”

He apologized again to Thrawn. “I’m sorry. I thought that was what would happen here. I shouldn’t have assumed your family is like mine.”

Thrawn processed Eli’s words in silence. When he finished, he looked ten years older than when he’d started. “You want to return to your family on Lysatra? Even though you defied their wishes time and time again?”

“Yes.”

“And you believe they are expecting you to return?”

That was a concerning question. Eli’s eyes went wide at its implications. “...Yes. Why are you asking me this?”

Thrawn didn’t answer right away. “We… have made similar errors in judgement, Lieutenant Vanto. You assumed my biological family would behave like yours. I assumed your thoughts on the subject mirrored my own. Given your decisions and behavior, the belief seemed reasonable to me.”

Eli froze, a look of horror settling onto his face. “What does that mean?” No answer. Eli asked again. “Thrawn? What does that mean?”

Vuesta cackled, then rose from her seat. “You are a Mitth indeed, Mitth’raw’nuruodo. You learned well from them how to steal children out of families. Now your human child knows what all Chiss do.” 

Vuesta turned to leave. Eli tried to stop her, to no avail. “Wait! I’m…” she slammed the door, “twenty-eight.”

Thrawn lolled his head back, pretending to be untroubled by her departure. He switched back to Sy Bisti now that Vuesta was no longer present. “Did you promise my mother passage back to Rentor, Lieutenant?”

“I’m not leaving her somewhere she’s never been with no money,” Eli retorted. “I’ll… find her again later. She can’t exactly go anywhere. Now what’s this about my family?”

Water trailed down the sides of Thrawn’s face. He wiped it away immediately. “You brought my mother here to boost my morale. That failed. I have returned to the Ascendancy by merit of my failures as an admiral; with my mother, you remind me of my failures as a person.” Where was he going with this? “Your family… is another failure of mine. One I am unable to correct at the moment. My apologies, Lieutenant Vanto.”

Eli gasped, sinking into the chair Vuesta had vacated. “They’re not… dead, are they?”

“Not to my knowledge; however, they currently believe you are. They tried to bring murder inquiries against me through any possible channel. This occurred shortly after Batonn. I sent forces to Lysatra to dissuade them.”

His heart sank. “Dissu- you mean intimidate them?” That was almost worse! “You didn’t explain to them where I was?”   


“I could not.” Thrawn didn’t even attempt to deny the intimidation charges. He had no energy left. His voice could only scrape out of his throat. “Not without compromising your mission.”

“What... you- Unnnnnnnh!” Eli’s elbows hit the table with a thud. He buried his head in his hands.

It wouldn’t do any good to get angry at Thrawn now. Not only would it not resolve anything, but Thrawn was already hurting. Eli wasn’t cruel enough to pile on. “We can fix this. We can fix all of this. All of us are still alive. There’s still time to repair your relationship with-”

“There is nothing to repair surrounding my mother, Lieutenant. She has made her choices, and I mine. She will die in her sea of bitterness and obscurity. Neither one of us can change this.” Thrawn’s head returned to watching the ceiling. “Leave me.”

“But what about-”

“Leave me, Eli. I... have no use for you at this time.”

Eli rose from his seat, unbelieving. He shouldn’t go. He should stay with Thrawn. At a time when Thrawn had no one else, he should have Eli. A friend.

But he wouldn’t accept him. Thrawn was too used to losing people to keep them around for long. Years after being close, Thrawn had shipped him to the Ascendancy without warning. To a place where his family couldn’t reach him. A place where they thought Eli was dead. Eli wasn’t ready to forgive that yet.

So he left. As the door closed behind him, Eli caught a glimpse of a sound. Loud, low, sad, and sustained.

A wail of despair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for your daily dose of depression. I knew going in this chapter would be hard to write, but I underestimated the difficulty of writing a "Reason You Suck" speech about a character I genuinely love. New writing experiences happen, I guess. Who knows what my next one will be?
> 
> Sorry my conception of Thrawn's family is so tragic. Given canon, I doubt it could be much better than this. Also, writing Thrawn crying was hard as hell. I hope it doesn't come across too OOC.
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone. Now it's time to do my actual work for an international research presentation. I would be excited if I didn't think I'll make a dumbass of myself.


End file.
